Sorry for those of you who have been following my previous blog, but I feel as though Getting to the Gown must die. The idea of that blog was to share my mishaps, blunders and the general craziness that surrounds weddings; however it turned into an angry place where I felt the need to vent and created stress for an event that I would likely not have and honestly was not sure that I wanted. To share my hatred for the retail empire and the ever expanding size of my waistline. Therefore I offer up this new blog as a way to continue to share my thoughts and insight into this crazy thing we call life.
My future MIL recently wrote that about dealing with her own mortality and mentioned one of her favorite things to say. "What do you think of life so far?" And in an attempt to answer this question I will say, What a Crazy Game this is...How do you win? There are so many things that I do not know for certain. I am a student in this game, still fumbling with the strange language on the instructions page. And why did I choose to be this person? Why didn't I choose to be Paris Hilton or Prince William? Of course this would require that I believe we choose who we are for the journey ahead. Like in the beginning of Oregon Trial the banker gets the most money, but that other guy (I think he was a carpenter) was broke but much stronger. Each way was tough, but you had advantages with each character.
All of this game talk creates the idea that there is reincarnation and that we keep coming back and living this life over and over as different people until we have learned all the lessons and reach total enlightenment. Then what? There has to be an end, right? Are all of the enlightened souls hanging out on a beach drinking margarita's and dancing to Lionel Richie songs? Hey, that's my goal for eternal rest...insert yours somewhere else. :) What would be the reward for divine cosmic enlightenment? And when you come back does it always have to be a person? I only ask because Beau(my dog) and my Dad have an awful lot in common and honestly it wouldn't surprise me at all for my Dad to choose to be Beau. Except then I would have to wonder who Sadie is. I do not know anyone so neurotic, and energetic, except myself. Maybe she is Marc's grandmother Rachael, but since I never met her...it would be hard to say. Sorry...got carried away there.
That being said I am searching for my purpose. Not believing that there is a deity with a plan for me, I struggle with life's purpose. I imagine it is simply for living and our main goal is to pass on something good to our children so that they can in turn do the same for their children. I come to my studies now with an ease that I lacked in my youth and with a purpose that I will do something good in my life. I am on a path now that can showcase my intelligence and my compassion, but like any other career/life path you are everyday faced with decisions and forks in your road. If every decision we make shapes our lives, it is no wonder that I am stressed out. I mean were eating those Frito's last night, really a good idea?
I am amazed at my growth and who I am becoming. Getting to know who I am is pretty cool and I think I am going to love her once I get to know her well. I am dabbling in things like gardening, and exploring the world through eyes and ears that want to be natural. I am believing in real food and exercise. I am striving for both. I am becoming interested in things that never would have held my attention span and honestly I always thought were crocks: yoga, breathing, etc...
So today I will go forth and eat an apple and go to the gym. I will breathe and be aware. I will hug someone and let them know that I appreciate them. I will smile. I will sing loudly in the car. And I will BE HAPPY!
Welcome to the new home for my thoughts! Let's continue this journey together.
I found you! I love this! Much more essential, much more you. Great pic, too.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny you mention wondering what all that enlightenment is for. Recently, Bill and I went to a lecture on Buddhism and I asked the same question on the way home. I'd forgotten that the idea was supposed to be "an end to suffering." But, if The Buddha said that all of life contains suffering, then is Enlightenment the end of Life? I think I understood the whole thing, once, sorta, but I was basically just pissed at the world that night, so not even The Dalai Lama could have said anything I'd have agreed with. I do know, however, that I FEEL tons better when I'm gettin' my OM on...so let's just say that it's all about the present moment...right this minute, anyway. Somebody else will have to worry about my past and future lives. This one keeps me plenty busy.
Blog on, little sister. Check out one of those checkered past lives on my Vet's Day post on ML.com. Break out a comment.
P.S. Rachel was not neurotic; Rachel created neurosis. She was a carrier, but a totally riveting one. As her husband said, "Rachel was Something Else."
I love it that our generation references Oregon Trail when we are talking about things that seem hard or otherwise have a "life's rough" edge to them.
ReplyDeleteThe secret to being happy is (usually) deciding to just be ok with everything as it is. So, when the decision to be HAPPY! seems like too much some days, just aim for OK and the rest will take care of itself; and at the end of the day you'll be happy that you're ok with everything! dude, I should be a yogi or something. Except I don't think they say "dude".... how 'bout "grasshopper"?
Grasshopper, I should be a yogi.... or something